I shake my head in hopeless disappointment.
Roberto, do you really think you can’t do better than Ali? Ali, who juts her bottom lip in pitiful puppy dog fashion when guy number 23 (of 25 guys who have fawned over her for weeks) leaves the show… after she just got laid two nights in a row. Silly Ali, who got so drunk with Kasey in the museum that she didn’t even remember making an ass of herself in a space suit. Roberto, you played pro baseball. You can dance like Antonio in Take The Lead. You’re hella handsome. Your family loves and supports you. In short, you could get any girl you want. What are you doing? I’m trying to be happy for you, but I just don’t have faith that this will last.
And Chris, you were my favorite from the beginning. Not that I necessarily wished Ali upon you. I don’t think she realized what she had. But I’m glad she didn’t put you through being the final man just to break your heart when she realizes she’s not good enough for your family. Or when your family decides to boot her out.
And don’t agree to be the next Bachelor. Trust me, you will have girls declaring their love from the rooftops soon enough, if it hasn’t happened already. You’ll have your pick of oodles of girls in real life. And they won’t be pre-picked by The Bachelor production team to force you into a psycho Michelle situation. Just consider your options. The show is not for you. You’re better than that. You will find your woman, I promise you. And if you don’t see any stalking you at this very moment, give me a call. I know several who are interested.